With the Sumer movie season in full swing, it’s time to throw a party! If you’ve never been to Second Life yet, now is the time. I’ve been hanging out online a bunch and doing something I haven’t done since my early college days, I’m DJing again. Second Life is a great game, yet social gathering place. For many people with disabilities it has also become a place to meet others and “get out” of the house.
Come to Wheelies on the Water June 6th from 2-4 pm SLT (Pacific Time) for our come as your Favorite Movie Character Contest and live music by DJ Able Landfall. You could have a chance to win 2000 linden, PLUS a 2000 gift card from Lemania Indigo Designs.
Bring all your friends for a great time of great tunes, including movie music hits like Footloose, Ghostbusters, and more! It’s a party you don’t want to miss.
Fine Print: “Unless I have Brittle Bone or some other fragile bone disorder, in which case it would be my fault for wearing this shirt in the first place. Hugs make me feel good, so I must really need a hug! It’s a sincere way to show warmth and compassion. Also a portion of the proceeds from the purchase of this shirt is going to Wheelies, a non-profit group helping others who are differently abled. Thank you for taking the time to read the fine print and also for the hug.”
After so many have written about my previous post, Hugs Are For Everyone, I wanted to find a way to let more know it’s OK to give hugs, to everyone! With this new design you can wear it to let others know you are looking for a hug. Help others and help yourself with a hug.
Also, I am going to give a portion of the proceeds from each sale of the shirts to Wheelies, a non-profit group on Second Life. Here’s some more information about Wheelies:
Wheelies, the first disability-themed nightclub in Second Life which was founded by Simon Walsh, has grown from a single room with a jukebox to a large club with daily dances with DJs from Europe and America playing a wide variety of music as well as live entertainment.
You will find friendly people who can help you get acquainted with the basics of Second Life or, if necessary, we have some wonderful volunteers to can help you learn what you want to learn.
At Wheelies, we don’t think of ourselves as disabled, but as differently abled. We can do everything any one else can do, we may just do it differently.
Wheelies does not pay rent or tier fees, those are paid by the owners of the region (Chade Villota and Polgara Paine who is also the Director of Wheelies), so you may wonder why Wheelies needs money. While we are not a recognized non-profit organization yet (soon to be), we do operate as a non-profit. None of the officers gets paid, but we do pay a manager, the DJs, and live entertainment. But trying to have something happening on a regular basis for both our European and American members is costly and we can use every penny we get to keep Wheelies going.
Wheelies is not the only group that works with people with disabilities, so if we don’t have the means to help you, we do have resources where we can refer you to get the help you do need. You can find Wheelies in Second Life at: http://slurl.com/secondlife/Taupo/168/86/23.
Today, there is a fundraiser party going on at Wheelies from noon-6pm Second Life Time (Pacific Time). Come and enjoy a day of music, friends and more. If you’re unable to make it or if you’d like to make a donation, please click the donation link on this page and let me know you want a donation given specifically to Wheelies and I will transfer the funds. Thank you.
What if…it were that easy. Accommodations are not costly, nor hard to obtain, nor a bother. Enabling one, brings them in ten fold. Couldn’t your bottom line use a multiplication table like that?
What are you waiting for? Life seems to be moving faster and faster, the older I get. Anyone else feel that way? Partially cause I think the time/space narrows as we age. OK, maybe not. But just a thought.
I’d like to think of myself as someone who goes after things as often as possible, yet I get clues popping up that tell me I could do more. Actively be involved more. It’s one thing to say I’m going to do something, another to do it. Any procrastinators in the audience today? You don’t have to raise your hand.
When you give to charities, does it feel like work, or does it just come naturally? Oh? You say the economy is not good so you have to hoard it all for yourself right now? Hmmm, interesting thought, but if you’re in a tight spot, helping one another shouldn’t be an economic decision. Help others and you too will receive help.
Many times I’m told, just let others help me, I don’t have to do a thing because I’m disabled. This is not how I was brought up. Plus it just doesn’t feel right. There are many professions, and yes they get paid, that are helpers. Teachers, nurses, care givers, and more. These are people that could choose any career, but they choose to help others. It’s a rewarding thing!
Yet, we take these for granted, we ask for things over and over, yet unwilling to give back. Charities or giving of your time doesn’ have to be just around Christmas…it should be all year round.
Maybe it’s time to give a care giver a vacation, a mother of a child with extra care a break, to help out in a classroom as a volunteer, donate some money to the food pantries. In what we call an economic crisis, we are still human beings with the means to help, to care, to act. You don’t have to be wealthy to experience wealth.
Keeping up on my writing skills and my motivation, I went to a writer’s seminar a few years ago. I wanted to have some fresh people read my material, plus make some contacts. During the two day seminar I learned a whole lot more.
Jack Canfield, author of the Chicken Soup for the Soul books, took a twenty dollar bill out of his pocket. He held it up and asked who wanted it. Many hands in the room went up. Two people got out of their seats and made a mad dash for the money. One got there before the other and picked up the twenty dollar bill.
“These two guys are proactive,” Jack said after everyone was seated again. “They chose to go after what they wanted instead of just raising their hands.”
I consider myself a proactive type of person, but found myself just raising my hand. At times in my life I’ve gotten complacent. This was a nice wake up call.
A place many of us can become complacent is at work. We may come in and just do our job and then go home. In order to make the boss recognize us, we need to always be at the top of our game.
In sales, we need to constantly sell, sell, sell. Outsell the coworkers to make the money and be recognized as top salesperson. In an office setting, it’s coming up with innovative ideas that take the company beyond the basics. In a factory setting, it may be a perfect safety rating, being on time and helping out fellow workers when they need it.
It’s hard work to be proactive. Each job that I’ve had, I’ve kept a good work ethic. I’m almost always on time or even early for work, I get all my work done in a timely fashion and I contribute ideas.
Why is all this important? For one, you will feel good about yourself and your job. Another reason is job references. Every job out there asks for references. Putting down personal references are fine, but professional references go much further.
When you go beyond the expectations of an employer, they will remember that. When it comes time to move on, the employer will be sad to see you go, but will give you an outstanding reference. Beyond your education background and experience, this is the ultimate way of getting a job.
Being proactive is giving a hundred and ten percent. If a problem occurs, a proactive person deals with it. Another person will just complain and not help to find a solution.
This simple principle of being proactive can be applied to families too. Instead of complaining to mom and dad, help them with solutions to get the things done that you want. If you don’t ask, you won’t know the answer.
I hear many times from kids that parents don’t listen to them. When two people are yelling at each other, neither can listen. Turn off the television, shut off the radio or get away from the computer and sit down with your parents.
Until two or more people sit down and in a calm voice let their concerns be heard, no one will know. Who cares if a tree makes a sound when it falls, unless someone is there to hear it.
Be proactive. Go get the twenty dollar bill instead of just wanting it. Work harder than anyone else. When going after a job, most have to send out resumes. That one person putting a hundred and ten percent behind their work will have people calling them for hire. Is that you?
Would you say your self-esteem is high or low? Do you shoot for the stars no matter how many people say your dreaming? Do you have the drive to accomplish the impossible?
I’ve talked to some of today’s teenagers and asked them what their aspirations were. Sadly, they said they just wanted to get by. One told me he enjoys the theatre, but because an adult in his life said he could never reach Broadway, he’s not going to pursue it.
Their greatest dreams are dying at a young age.
“We have a friend in a wheelchair, because he got paralyzed by a bullet in the spine. Wrong place at the wrong time. So now they think nothing is left for them”
The teenagers of today need our help. They need to have their self-esteem raised up. It doesn’t take much. Sometimes just to listen to a teenager is motivation enough for them. Remember it is their dreams and future to live. Show them the power of their own spirit. Anything is possible.
We call them the “blues”, times when we feel down, get headaches or have trouble sleeping. These feelings probably come from some stress at work or at home. But these feelings and little aches and pains go away, and soon we feel good again.
With a depressive illness those feelings will be much worse and they don’t go away. A depressive illness will affect the whole body. It is an illness that affects one in five people during their lifetime. Ten to fourteen million people suffer from depression each year. It will not discriminate – it affects all ages, races and both genders. All is not lost, though. A depressive illness can be successfully treated in more than eighty percent of the people who have it.
Some of the symptoms of depression are: persistent sadness, anxious or “empty” mood; feelings of hopelessness, pessimism; loss of interest or pleasure in hobbies and activities that you once enjoyed, including sex; insomnia or oversleeping; thoughts of death or suicide; physical symptoms like headaches, digestive disorders and chronic pain that do not respond to treatment.
If you have a depressive illness, you are in famous company. Ernest Hemingway, Samuel Clemens (Mark Twain), Virginia Woolf, George Frederic Handel, Irving Berlin, Cole Porter, Emily Dickinson, Walt Whitman all had a depressive illness. Some famous people living with a depressive illness are: Peter Gabriel, Axl Rose, Ted Turner, Robin Williams, Roseanne Arnold, and Mike Wallace.
Winston Churchill named his depression “Black Dog”, a metaphor that speaks volumes. It fits depression well. While the dog may bite every now and then, he’s still only a dog. He can be cajoled sometimes and locked up other times.
Whenever you have a problem, it is always best to seek support. Depression is not something to be ashamed of and it is not a character flaw or a sign of weakness. You don’t have to wear a mask to hide it. Most depression is caused from a chemical imbalance in the body. If depression persists more than two weeks, get checked by a doctor.
I talked with Dr. Michael O’Neill, a clinical Psychiatrist, to find out how depression is treated.
“For most people diagnosed with a mood disorder, medications are usually prescribed. In some cases, medication is combined with counseling. In other cases, counseling is all that is needed.”
When asked how depression affects a person’s life, he replied, “Most carry on their lives very well.”
Most people that suffer a depressive illness will have one episode. Only fifty percent of those people will have a second. People who have Recurrent Disorders will be able to control the depression with medication and counseling, but like the name says, the depression will recur.
During depression, thoughts of suicide are possible. Some possible signs someone is thinking of suicide are: talking, writing or hinting about suicide; previous attempts; giving away possessions; sudden change from extreme depression to being at peace (may indicate that they have decided to attempt suicide). If you are a friend or family member or know someone who has expressed thoughts of suicide, get help immediately. This is a cry for help! Fifteen percent of people who suffer depression will commit suicide.
The most important thing anyone can do for the depressed person is to help them get appropriate diagnosis and treatment. DO NOT tell them to “snap out of it”. A depressive illness is not something you can just get over.
The bumper sticker said, “Have you hugged someone today yet?” No I hadn’t. It just seems like there is so much to do and so many places to go that a hug is the last thing on the mind. It’s easy to forget all the things a hug can bring.
A hug can cheer you when you’re blue. A hug can say, “I love you so” or, “Gee I hate to see you go”. A hug is, “Welcome back again!” and “Great to see you!” or “Where’ve you been?” A hug delights and warms and charms, it must be why we all have arms.
Can you admit honestly that you’ve given or received a hug today? A hug should rank right up there with an apple a day. Hugging should never go out of style.
The process is quite simple. Though there can be some quite uncomfortable situations to arise from a hug. If you’re comfortable with giving hugs, then you would walk up to someone and offer them one. But, if you have a disability, the reactions can vary greatly.
For most, the firm hug is the one most people give and receive. When I’ve been given hugs from someone other than a family member or close friend it resembles just a touch more than a hug. Why is that?
For most, the reason boils down to the, “I’m afraid I might break something” line. You won’t always hear it said in that manner from their lips, but the translation is there. While this line might hold true for a very few who have Brittle Bone Disorder, anyone else is fair game for a firm hug.
I know of people that go hug-less for days and weeks on end. For them it’s not by choice. If being able to walk and having a disability is enough to make someone hesitate from giving a hug, a wheelchair is a tire squealer. How do you approach someone in a wheelchair?
First off, you need to shake off that need to hesitate. A sincere hug just happens, no hesitation. Next, make your intentions known. Let the person know you want to give them a hug. Then just bend over a little and wrap your arms around them. They will gladly reply with outstretched arms.
Hugs are given freely in my family. It’s the way we were brought up. Was it that way in your family too? How about those of you starting a family, are hugs going to be part of your daily routine?
Studies have shown that someone that is raised in a loving environment with their family will grow up much more caring for others than someone bounced around from foster family to foster family. It’s easy to see why. If you don’t have the stability of one family (or two in divorces) you have no one to trust. Share a hug with someone who needs one.
Miss Kitty
Don’t forget to also hug your cat. It is known in health circles that most cats (not all) love getting hugs. Plus as they purr and you are hugging them, those vibrations can also be soothing to your own body.
Before you go to bed tonight, offer someone a hug. If you tend to forget things easily, put up a Post-It note where you’ll see it time and time again. “Have you hugged someone today yet?” If you know some friends online, then offer an online hug. It goes something like this: {{{{Bill}}}} The more brackets you use, the bigger the hug. I always accept e-mail hugs.
If you’re bored with the normal hugs, here are a few others you may want to try. Try hugging in bed, upside down, under water, in the air, standing on your hands, etc…
“You’re lucky, you’ve always been disabled. I used to have a life. I used to play basketball. I used to have a regular job. Now all I have is this lousy wheelchair.” Yes, I’ve been disabled since birth. But what is missing here is individual potential, no matter the life differences.
I recently met John (not his real name) through the Internet. He had read a couple of my columns from the Internet and started writing to me. At first, he said he read them just for grins. Then he told me what had happened.
John was in a car accident about a year ago. He was paralyzed from the waist down, the other driver was killed. After several months of recuperation he went back to his job, a salesman, just to find out he had been replaced. The company apparently felt he couldn’t do his job anymore and hired someone new.
He told me he was looking for another job in sales, but was having a difficult time.
“I’m just fed up.”
Basketball used to be something John did after a long day at work. He liked trying different shots for the hoop. Now he says he just watches it on television.
“I know I won’t be able to play basketball again,” John said. “Why’d this have to happen to me?”
I wrote back to him one simple line: “You’re still alive! The other driver isn’t.”
A couple of days went by before I heard from him again. I asked him if he read the column about my job and how hard it was for me to get it. He said he had and that he was getting the same types of responses.
“They think just because I’m in a wheelchair that I can’t do person to person sales anymore.”
I tried to encourage him to keep going no matter what people said. I told him the only way to succeed is if you believe you can.
I wrote to him, “You remember the first time you tried to ride a bicycle, you would always fall over. Something always made you get back on and try again. This is almost the same thing. You have to go to the employer and show them that you can do the job just like anyone else can.”
In some of my letters I mentioned to him about playing basketball again. At first he asked me how. I told him that all he had to do is go down to his local gym and find out where he could get into a game of wheelchair basketball. He was skeptical about it, but looked into it.
John wrote back to me a couple of weeks later and said he was still looking for a job, but is looking with a better outlook. A close friend is driving him around to interviews.
He also said he found a group of guys that played every Thursday night. After watching a couple of games, he decided to join in.
“This is more challenging than regular basketball. But, I’m getting the hang of it.”
Although John isn’t able to enjoy some things he used to, he lives every day to the fullest. The last line of the letter was the greatest: “Guess what, Bill? This summer I’m going to be driving again!”
Originally written in 1996, I wanted to share this again to awaken the potential each of us contains. Do you have an inspirational story? Share them on the new Disabilities Unlimited Facebook Group.
